Friday, October 01, 2004

Passionate loving

Passionate loving

By Bob Garon
TODAY Newspaper
Friday, October 1, 2004 12:21 AM


Tennov continues to describe the components he has found in passionate loving. That is, the initial feeling of falling in love. This is about the beginnings of love.

6. “They are shy in the other’s presence.” Shyness always has a strong element of fear. New lovers are shy because they fear making a misstep that could cause a budding love to end quickly. They become less shy when they feel more confident about the success of their love.
7. “When everything seems lost, their feelings are even more intense than usual.” They truly feel terrified at the thought. It is as if the end of the world is upon them.

8. “They search for signs (a squeeze of the hand, a knee that doesn’t move away, a gaze that lingers) that signify that the other desires them.” The problem is that often too much is read into these seemingly insignificant signs. And sometimes even the sound of wedding bells can be heard in the distance.

9. “Their heart aches when they imagine they might lose the other.” Love can cause a lot of desperation. It can bring about pain even when there is no reason for pain. The mere thought of separation is terrifying.

10. “They feel like they are walking on air when the other seems to care.” The overwhelming good feelings that beginning love generates can sweep you into the highest of highs and then, when it fails, drop you into the lowest lows.

11. “They care so desperately about the other that nothing else matters; they are willing to sacrifice anything for love.” When lovers focus, they truly focus. And the focus is on each other. This is when parents feel they are losing their daughter and friends feel that their starstruck buddy has abandoned them. New love has a way of excluding family and friends. This is sad because if and when the end comes, the lover feels very much alone and inconsolable. There is also a feeling that she betrayed those who truly loved her for someone she thought she loved.

12. “Love is blind; lovers idealize one another.” Love tends to exaggerate the positives and minimize the negatives. It is said to be blind not because it cannot see, but because it reads too much into the qualities of the other and too little into those matters that are seen to be obstacles to the advancement of love.

Researchers found that women (surprise!) tend to be much more passionate than men. They feel a whole lot more intensely than do the men. But, the researchers say that both men and women were equally nervous before a date. The researchers also found that women tend to love more intensely and with more passion (feelings) than did the men. This is why when love crashes, women tend to suffer more pain than do the men.


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