Monday, December 06, 2004

She’s so unhappy, but she doesn’t know why

She’s so unhappy, but she doesn’t know why

By Bob Garon
TODAY Newspaper
Monday, December 6, 2004 12:24 AM

Dear Bob: I like to read your articles in Today. I believe many readers like me learn a lot from them. I wrote because I myself have a problem.

I really don’t know what it is, but I believe I’m not all right. I’m 19 years old, a college student. I have friends, a few. I rarely go out. What I can’t understand is why I always feel sad and uncomfortable regardless of whom I’m with or where I am or what I’m doing.

I don’t know how my friends see me, they never told me. But my boyfriend used to tell me that I have a reserved attitude. Whatever that means. I don’t understand fully. He even told me I should learn how to be happy. My guardian said I’m a retiring person.

I hate go to school at 6 a.m. and go home at 5 p.m. I’m not inspired to study, not even challenged. I think my course (Education) is BORING. I hate being with people I do not know. I hate meeting them because I’m not comfortable. I’m too lazy to do my projects and school reports.

Sometimes I stay in my room without eating breakfast and lunch. Often I’m late for school. I do not like the things I used to do. WHY?

I don’t understand why all this is happening to me. I don’t like being this way. I’m not like this before. Can you please help me answer my

questions? I’m confused.


* * *

It is all about your past, C. A. The answers to your questions lie somewhere in your past.

When we are born, we begin to become what we are today. It is the sum total of all our past experiences that makes us what we are.

If our childhood was unhappy, perhaps even traumatic, then you can expect that the damage that was caused then will have an impact on us now.

You seem to be living with a guardian. If so, where are your parents? Is there a sad story here that could give you hints and clues about the roots of your present behavior and disposition? You are the product of your past, a past that seems to have been less than happy.

Even your boyfriend tells you to learn to be happy. That means that he can sense that your sadness has been there a long time.

To find why you are the way you are, C.A., you must review your past life, experiences (the good, the bad and the ugly ones) and upbringing. All these experiences have made you what you are today.

Your childhood is especially important. Was it happy? I don’t know, but I suspect it wasn’t. I suspect there’s lots of pain in your heart. Lots of hurt that dates from back when you were a little girl.

Review the past, C.A. The challenge of knowing yourself starts with becoming familiar with what happened to you in the past. Your history is most important.

It will help if you can spend time writing the story of your life. I have asked some of my friends to do this. They write about all the memories of their past that they can remember. These memories trigger even more memories. Then, you make connections between what happened then and how it connects with your present behavior and disposition. This might take some time, but, then again you have to make an effort to understand yourself. Only when you can do this will you know where to begin making changes and adjustments in your life.

If you’re bored with your course, it’s only a reflection of your outlook on life. You need to search in the past for answers. Your future happiness depends on it.

If you like, write me again. Tell me more about your past. Let’s see if I can help. May God bless you and let you smile.


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