Dealing with porn on the Internet

Dealing with porn on the Internet


By Bob Garon
TODAY Newspaper
Thursday, January 20, 2005 12:30 AM



Dear Bob: I was very interested in your piece regarding pornography on the Internet. I, too, am bothered about the proliferation of the same, but as usual, I am of two minds about it. On the one hand, having three teenage children, I discovered by the simple expedient of bringing up “history” and looking at the list of sites that had been visited from my computer over the previous three weeks, I was sad to see quite a number of pornographic sites had indeed been accessed. Of course, my children being half Filipino, the fingers of blame were pointed in every direction. Instead of raving, though, I remembered my own youth when we, too, would access what we then thought was pornography, the poorly produced nudist magazine Health and Beauty. Thinking back upon it, had we been more scientifically inclined, we may well have come to the conclusion that only the obese and ugly were inclined to shed all of their clothing. I still wonder just how one barbecues sausage in a nudist colony—but I digress.


In our discussion, instead of condemning their actions, I asked them just what did they think of the people performing in the videos? Even worse, what did they think of the person operating the camera or financing the actions? Was the loss of human dignity worth the income? What did they think of themselves for wanting to watch sexual acts? In the end, my children were shame-faced as we had all agreed that pornography, both the making and the watching, indicated a clear regression in the mental capacity of human beings and should be avoided. That was over two years ago and, I am pleased to say, my occasional checking of “history” has shown no more entry in such sites.

The conflict I have with myself is if pornographic sites should be removed from the Internet. I myself get intensely irritated when occasionally, while using my e-mail, there is an intrusion of an advertisement asking me if I want to watch hot sex, both heterosexual or homosexual. I am clear that such uninvited intrusion should be illegal. However, I am more perturbed with just who are the people who can decide on what or what is not pornographic. I am also of the belief that once you deny access to any product, then its illegality creates a desire for which people will spend a great deal of money to satisfy. This was proven with prohibition and pornography is no different.


As an example of this, in my youth, the book Lady Chatterly’s Lover by D.H. Lawrence was banned in the United Kingdom as being pornographic. Being then a resident in Southampton, England, where, to avoid conscription into the forces, many of our local friends worked on the passenger liners plowing backwards and forwards to the United States where copies were freely available, we were able to obtain copies of the same with ease. The first few chapters were indeed arousing, to say the least. However, as the author intended to demonstrate, by the time one had reached the midpoint of the book, the sexually explicit scenes started to become less arousing, and in truth, reaching the final chapter became a chore. Lawrence believed that one could diminish the appeal of erotica if one was given so much that one became satiated.


Although I really do not like pornography, feeling ashamed for the people, especially the parents of those who act it out in front of the cameras, degrading both themselves and the sexual act, I believe that banning access to it will do more harm than good. With children it is natural curiosity and peer pressure.


I think that it would do more good to make them sit and watch with you gently pointing out the idiocy of those involved than to rant and rave. By not forbidding them to watch pornography, a great deal of the excitement of doing so is removed. By pointing out the stupidity of the actors gives them a good reason for not wanting to watch.


I am not an advocate for free love or untoward exhibitionism within the home, but sexual honesty with one’s children can keep them from making a great many mistakes. Sex should not be embarrassing to parents. It is because of sex that they became parents. But illicit sex should not be exciting either, and honesty in answering questions can avert a great deal of this occurring.


Keep up the good work, Bob. My New Year’s resolution is to make an effort to have a coffee with you.

—Alan C. Atkins



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I share much of your thinking on the matter; however, I have a few comments and concerns.


Many parents, like myself, are computer illiterate, even computer stupid. They don’t know how to turn on a computer, much less track what their kids are watching. What’s more, my work with youngsters has taught me that kids are very creative. They could use other computers to get what they want see.


I, too, feel uneasy over who should censor what and I don’t expect the Internet to be policed. It’s just too big. What bothers me, though, is that it seems that the porn available on the net isn’t just of the benign sort, but you can find hard-core materials that are outrageous to the extreme.


Your response to your children is not what I see most parents capable of doing even if they shared your thinking. Still if you were successful in turning them off to porn, it was an extraordinary feat.


I see far too many young people addicted to Internet porn not to be deeply concerned about it. No doubt we parents will have a lot of explaining to do to them along with the exercise of vigilance if we are to protect them from being contaminated by twisted ideas about sex and love.