Thursday, November 11, 2004

What’s your idea of love?

What’s your idea of love?

By Bob Garon
TODAY Newspaper
Wednesday, November 10, 2004 10:00 PM

We all have our own ideas about love. Everyone has his own definition. Some are funny. Others are deep and cause us to think and review our own ideas about love.

Let me share with you some of my own ideas about what constitutes a dynamic and meaningful love relationship.

The first and a most important characteristic is that the lovers understand and accept that love is about the other as much as it is about oneself. That might sound obvious and simplistic, but the truth is many of us get into love expecting to get a lot more than we are willing to give.

Think about it. When you think of the beloved, do you focus more, or at least as much, on how you can make your beloved a better person than you do about what you can get from the beloved? I have my needs that are crying to be met. But so does the woman I love.

Problem is that often our needs will clash. When that happens am I willing to give as often as I expect her to make way? Or, do I expect more concessions than I am willing to make?

In a meaningful and true love, there is sensitivity and an awareness that one cannot lord it over the other. There is an acceptance and a deep respect of each other as equal partners. No double standard here. What goes for one, goes for the other. No one way loving. No second class citizen in this love relationship. There is a strong commitment to this belief of equality both in word and behavior.

Next, with this in mind, both partners work to heal each other’s wounds. We all enter into a relationship suffering from wounds inflicted in the past. We are hurting and we have the expectation that somehow we will find healing in love. But both must heal if there is to be a meaningful love.

Some lovers are so focused on themselves and their hurt that they neglect to pay attention to the wounds of the partners. They expect to be healed without working to heal the beloved.

True lovers know that their happiness depends on them serving as healers to each other. One way healing won’t do it. Love that is true is a partnership that works for both.

This calls for a good measure of maturity and a generous heart. It means having a healthy willingness to give as well to receive. It means believing that the more the beloved is healed and becomes the best that he/she can be, therein lies one’s happiness. When both lovers feel this way and back it up with a true devotion and dedication to pursue each other’s welfare, then you have a guarantee of healing, growth and the resultant high level of happiness. When both place each other at the top of the priority list and act accordingly, then only good things can and do happen.


Post a Comment

<< Home